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To you who turned my life around,
You are my paradigm shift.
During my first year, I was tasked to report on Thomas Kuhn’s paradigm shift. My research on this taught me that every thing was bound to change. At least, in the social science context - that theories will never be suffice to encompass reality. Men are bound to miss little things and when these little things accumulate, they are known as anomalies. These anomalies would soon fuel other scientists to craft another paradigm. Thus, a 360-degree revolution, paradigm shift.
Change marks two important things - an end and another beginning.
Even if I had known the concept of paradigm shift, I believe I have failed to fully grasp what it means. It was easy to accept a theory being debunked but it was hard to accept that you will be able to replace me with someone else.
Never have I imagined applying the concept of paradigm shift in my life. Thomas Kuhn was teaching me that there was no forever yet there I was thinking we’d last forever.
Looking at everything now, I have realized I missed a lot of things. So many that you chose to find another paradigm.
Perhaps, I imposed a lot of outdated social constructs in our relationship. This led to unmet expactations and we both know what happened next.
But then, even if paradigms shift, I still believe that one thing remains constant. That is, love. Its essence will never change. Probably, we just didn’t know how to properly show it back when we were together. We might have been bombarded about the do’s and dont’s on relationships that we drifted from its real essence.
Nevertheless, I will always stand by my counterargument. If you look at everything in now, we are all in pursuit of one thing, love. We try to embody it through theories and social constructs but love is so universal that no human construct will suffice.
So, just always remember that my love will always be there for you even if our paradigms have shifted.
Much love,
G
To the man I love who does not care right now,
I can see all the time when you are online.
I can see that you see my messages.
I can see how you are able to tweet while not replying to my messages.
I can see how happy you are with your friends and how annoyed you are when you talk to me.
I can see that there are a lot of minutes in a day yet you choose not to spend a few on me.
But I still believe that this love is beyond what can be seen.
I still believe that this love I have for you will be able to tolerate the depths of the carelessness you make me feel.
I still believe in the genuine sparkle of love I see in your eyes.
I still possess this stint of hope that your love for me, for us, won’t perish.
I am willing to wait until you get all your time for yourself.
I am ready to wait until you are able to give some time for us, until you are ready for us again.
You told me you needed some time for yourself.
I can feel how much you needed that.
I was more than willing to give you that as long as we stayed together but you chose to end our relationship.
I wanted to help you fix yourself.
I wanted to show you how much I love you even when you are broken.
I wanted to love the pain away from you.
I wanted to make you feel my love - the love that could have glued all your broken pieces.
But little did I know that I was the one being ripped and broken into pieces.
But I guess I am not the one you need.
I am not the one you want to help you.
You have shown enough reasons why you do not need my love.
But trust me, if you need my love, I will always be more than willing to give it all to you for you are the only one I’d give it to.
And, don’t even think that I don’t miss you.
I miss you every single day.
I will always be here waiting for you to miss me.
Until you miss me again,
The woman who cared too much
When we see an iceberg, no matter how big it is, we only see a smaller part of it for the rest is below sea level.
This allusion is the same when a book is turned into a movie. Avid bookworms have long ranted about how incomplete a movie is compared to the book. The duration of the film and the thickness of a book are one of the reasons for this. However, books, specifically Filipino Wattpad books in this article, turn into movies in a worse way in the Philippines.
In the recent years, Filipino writers have used Wattpad as a convenient avenue to publish their works and reach a large number of readers like the millenials. First as a website and later a mobile application, its readers were able to read almost everywhere they can through the mobile phones and tablets.
Another explanation about the youth’s fascination in Wattpad is because these writers are of their same age, generation, interest and they write in a manner the youth will understand. Used carefully and artistically, these Filipino Wattpad writers are able to mask Filipino values and tradition such as patience and courtship in their masterpieces.
To keep their interests burning, the authors even make Facebook and Twitter accounts of these Wattpad characters creating an illusion that they can follow the everyday life of their characters apart from the story.
Relevance, comprehensibility and continuity. This formula is one powerful weapon in keeping the youth’s interest.
With this rising market, the Filipino Wattpad books surely caught the attention of the entertainment and film industries. Soon enough, we have seen these popular books turned into television shows and much later, to movies.
Now, I’d like to focus on how the Wattpad books are turned into movies the Philippine way. With their interest of the youth stressed out in the introduction, we can clearly see that these readers know each book and the characters well.
They have been there waiting for updates and chapters when the book was still on-going or in the making. They have been there when every celebrity who is used as an image of a Wattpad character spent their time to greet the readers. They have been there following and stalking the social media accounts of the characters just to keep up with the characters and story.
In short, we know every book by heart, supporting it all the way. One avid reader would know the pride of reading the book before it is turned into a movie. Thus, we always have high expectations and so far, we have been constantly disappointed.
Take She’s Dating the Gangster for instance. There was no child of Athena and Kenji in the ebook or the book. There was no chase looking for Athena. As readers, we also value the time table and setting of the story. Most of us loved the story because we can relate to whatever was happening in the real time and setting in the original story. Clearly, the use of the 80s setting was a bad idea. Although the flashback effect could have been great, its execution only worsened the essence of the original story we loved.
Another example is the movie version of Must Date the Playboy. In the book, there was Chloe, Tori and Nathan. All of them were heir to their parents’ businesses meaning they were all rich kids. In the movie, Tori was turned into a daughter of a driver. Nathan was also turned into a gay there. Not that I do not like gay people but Nathan, as a straight guy, had a huge impact in the beauty of the original plot. The ending of the story is not even close to the one written in the book. Apart from the story and the kilig moments, readers also give importance to the they writing style because it is through the writing style that we feel suspense and appreciate revelations in every characters’ life. The movie could have been better if they followed even just the chronology of events in the story.
I do not know if the production team have even read the book. All they keep on doing is take the title of the hit book and modify it to their preference until they eradicate the artistic and aesthetic value that the writer devoted for the plot.
I do not know what the original writers say about the movies based on their novels. I just hope that they do not let the movie production ruin their work because time or financial constraint is not an excuse to take out the beauty in a novel.
I am airing out my rants because this disappointing reality is one of the reasons why the Filipino cinema has diminished its quality over the years. We have had award-winning and meaningful movies from Lino Brocka. We have a lot of magnificent writers with far more meaningful themes and stories to share apart from third-party conflicts and cliche romantic films. We have them yet we disregard them for whatever trend is popular. We have better actors and actresses yet we trade them to celebrities who are only popular.
Money over quality should stop for the sake of Filipino writers, quality of Filipino films and of the Filipino community.
BAYBAYin
Ni LOG
Apat na taon ang lumipas
BAtang handang matuto tungkol sa mundo
KAlidad ang inasahan bagkus
DAang luha ang nagbagsakan; nangako sa sariling
GAgawin ang lahat, para maitama ang mali
Sa dulo ‘y HAlik ni Hudas ang kanilang iginanti
sa bawat tunggali, LAganap ang lagayan, ngunit sa halip na pigila’y
MAta niyo'y ipinikit
NAkayayamot isipin pero mas nakayayamot para sa akin
NGAlan at respeto, sinagad nilang ariin
PAngarap na sana'y patas na nakamit ay inyong ipinagkait
SAlungat ng pangako ang nangyari, masyado atang nahimbing?
TAma na! Nais kong kumawala’t
YAong tiwala ko sa inyo'y
WAla na…parang pangarap kong natatanaw na lamang sa tuwina
©@ortizgabrielle 🐼 (at National Museum of the Philippines)
The dependent relationship between Trust and Power
Power is like the cash we deposit in the bank. We know that when we put it there, it is not simply kept in the safe. The bank uses this for stock exchanges and all. The greater part of a bank’s assets are not readily available. In fact, its debts to its depositors is more than its cash on hand. If all of its depositors try to withdraw all their savings at the same time, the bank is to sure to face bankruptcy. Are they fraudulent institutions? Hardly. On the other hand, we fail to see that they exist because of the trust we give them. Little do we realize that they have to use the money we entrust to them so that it may increase gradually which explains the essence of interests. Therefore, the correlation between power and trust, in this context, is that we can never maximize on the benefits of these two if we will continually challenge its legitimacy. This is the same way in life. If we continue on complaining and whining, then we can never develop our creativity of flourishing amidst all the limits.
The application of these in our lives can also be illustrated in relationships. As cliche as it is, trust and love are both risks that we are madly willing to take. When we give our trust to someone, we also give them the power over us. I think this is why it is all right for one to check on that someone from time to time. We will never know if they are abusing it if we do not check it. For an abuse of trust will totally lead to the bankruptcy of the relationship. Consequently, trust is something we are all willing to take because it only on these chances we gain or we lose. This is why I think apart from trusting someone, it is important to not give it all and save some for yourself. Power and trust comes hand in hand and they are always in our hands. We should be careful to whom we hand it over in the same way as we should check its proper use from time to time.
Cake
Kailan pinakamasarap ang isang cake? Sa una o sa huling slice?
May ibang magsasabi na sa una kasi hindi pa nagugulo ang design. Mapipili mo kung saang bahagi ng cake ang para sa iyo. Parang sa isang relasyon, sobrang sweet sa una. Maya’t maya kayong magkausap at magkasama. Lahat ay masaya sa panahong ito.
Yung iba naman, sa huli kasi lahat ng flavor, nandoon na. Ang malungkot nga lang, sa huling slice, natikman mo na ang lahat ng pinakamasarap sa huling pagkakataon nga lang.
Bakit kaya ganoon? Lahat na lang masaya kapag simula. Paano naman yung kalagitnaan? Kapag nasa gitna, wala nang appeal kasi sanay na?
Nandyan yung hindi pantay-pantay na slice. Parang sa isang relasyon, hindi pantay pantay ang kasiyahan sa bawat araw na dumadaan.
Pagkatapos ng matamis na “yes”, nandyan na ang sunud-sunod na problema - inis, tampo, pagdududa at selos. Minsan mapapatanong ka na lang. Bakit di pwedeng bumalik na lang sa mga unang araw kung saan masaya pa kaming dalawa? Babalik pa ba kami sa araw na iyon?
Pero hindi naman lahat ng cake, unlimited ang slices eh. Dadating at dadating ang araw kung saan mauubos ang bawat bahagi nito tulad ng pasensya, ng pang-unawa, ng kasiyahan.
Kapag naubos na ba ang lahat ng slice tapos na? Paano kung ayaw kong matapos? Titipirin ko ang bawat slice? Hindi pwede dahil baka mapanis ito. Hindi pwede dahil baka masakal o magsawa siya. Pero masisisi mo ba ako kung ayokong mawala yung kasiyahan na binibigay nung cake? Niya? Nitong relasyong ito?
Pero naisip ko, hindi naman limited sa isang cake ang relasyon eh. Maaaring ang bawat cake ang sumisimbolo lamang ng bawat kabanata sa isang relasyon.
Kahit maubos ang isang cake, pwede namang bumili ng isa pa. Pwede naman magsimula ulit ng bagong kabanata. Siguraduhin lang na siya pa rin ang kasama sa relasyon. Huwag nang maghanap ng ibang kasabay kumain ng cake.
Ganoon daw talaga, kailangan palaging may bago. Hindi bagong karelasyon kundi bagong pagkakataon at bagong pangyayari para hindi magkasawaan.
Tulad ng napakaraming bersyon ng cake, napakarami rin ng mga dapat matikman at maranasan sa isang relasyon upang tumagal at lalong tumatag ito.
Gone
Gone are the days when I received those long sweet messages.
Gone are the days when you were so patient on me.
Gone are the days when you didn’t want us fighting for a long time.
Gone are the days when you’d sweet talk me.
Gone are the days when you talk to me before you sleep.
Gone are the days when you check how my day is going or how my day went.
Gone are the days where you’d listen to all of the stories I tell (even if it bores you).
Gone are the days when you’d put your guard down and let me win so we don’t have to fight.
Gone are the days when you’d do anything and everything just to talk to me.
Gone are the days when it was just you and I away from the rest of the world.
Gone are the days when a simple I love you can heal everything.
Gone are those sweet days.
It’s okay if all these days are gone as long as I still have you. But is it safe to say that I still have you even if these days are gone?
On ME-llenials
So we are now in this generation where the youth seem to get satisfaction from the likes, retweets, hearts and views from social networking sites and the implication isn’t much of a good thing.
For one, this causes them to always be in front of their gadgets. They get so caught up with their profiles and posts and pictures that they’d spend more time looking on screens than the real world. This further leads to a massive change in their attitudes, beliefs and personalities.
Because of always wanting to be updated, tempers are cut shorter than ever.The fast-changing world now comes hand in hand with impatience. When disappointment comes to them, there they go ranting about the little almost-unimportant things. And, when the elders reprimand them, they’d say things like it is none of their business and they cannot understand them.
However, in some angle we don’t want to look at, we should realize that they won’t reprimand us if they don’t sense anything deteriorating us. We’d usually fight back with the argument that they are too old to understand.
Given this context, the adjective old here may refer to the fact that they carry conservative outlooks in life. And yes, this is somehow a valid argument yet a loophole still stands.
True to that, cultures definitely change over time. Even culture begs to disagree for culture came from the words cultura, meaning care, and cultus, meaning civilization. Therefore, culture cares and should take care for the civilization.
So, ask yourself now, does the culture you absorb take care of you or drag you more to harm?
Justifying this, I’d focus on the trend that are rampant nowadays. Quite recently, I have seen this lip challenge which makes your lip look pouty (as if it has been bitten by ants). Another is a challenge wherein you are to get a bond paper, go in front of the mirror and place that bond paper on your waist (proly to show how thin you are?). Do these things give you a better life, seriously? There may be a lot of social constructs imparted in us but we should critically choose which are beneficial to us.
Another is regarding studying. Having electronic-based education systems should have been a big help. Yet, the students are bombarded with a lot of technological distractions that make them choose taking selfies instead of studying. Searching for books and journals are much more easier now. This ease should encourage them more to know but sadly, that is not what is happening.
Cramming is now a popular trend for students and the results give mediocre-type of performances. These technological distractions hinder them from discovering their full potentials.
The thing is, I have faith in the millenials that they are more than the social-media users that they are. The future depends on them and the future should not be filled with people plainly looking at their gadgets and updating they virtual life. Instead of making their lives look better on their accounts, why don’t they put their phone down and get their lives back on track? This way, they’d be true to everyone and most especially, themselves.
May the domino effect be a fruitful one and may the millenials reach their full potentials in the real world.
Ako
Ako. Ang tatlong letrang maglalarawan sa buong pagkatao ko. Ang tatlong letrang maghihiwalay sa akin sa kanila, sa kanya.
Ako lang ang makapagbibigay ng kahulugan ng pagiging ako. Ngunit kahit ako ay nahihirapan sa paghahanap ng kahulugang ito.
Kung tatanungin nila ako kung sino ako, minsan, mas gugustuhin ko na lang na huwag na lang sagutin ang napakadaling tanong na ito. Iiwasan ko sapagkat alam ko na ang mga salitang lalabas sa aking bibig ang panghahawakan nila upang ibato kung hindi ko magagampanan ang mga ito.
Alam ko na maaaring ang masabi ko lang ay ang gusto nilang marinig mula sa akin. Iyan kasi ang hirap sa lipunan. Bago ka pa ipinanganak, itinakda na nila ang mga tungkulin na dapat mong gampanan. Bago ka pa ipinanganak, nakakulong ka na sa itinakda nilang kahulugan ng “ako.“
At habang sinusunod ko ang mga gusto nila sa akin, nararamdaman ko na lalong nahihiwalay ako sa tunay na ako. Tila isang pag-uuyam ang nangyayari sa akin.
Nais ko nang kumawala sa patung-patong na kahulugan ninyo ng ako dahil ngayon, bibigyan ko na ng kahulugan ng sarili ko.
Gagawin ko ang gusto ko nang hindi nakasasama sa ibang tao. Ipapakita ko kung sino talaga ako dahil sa paraang ito, nabubuhay ako. Ayoko nang maging robot na minamanipula ninyo.
Makasarili man isipin na puro sarili ko lang ang pinoproblema ko, pero paano naman ako makagagawa ng mas mabubuting bagay kung patuloy akong magpapakulong sa mga sukatan ng lipunang ito?
Ako si ako. Ang kahulugan nito, ang makapagbibigay lang ay ako. Kaya hayaan niyo na akong mabuhay sa buhay na gusto ko. Mahalaga ang tatlong letrang ito sapagkat dito nakasalalay ang pagkatao ko.
U B O
Ang sakit na dulot mo ay parang ubo. Ubo ako ng ubo. Hindi na ako makakain ng maayos dahil sa ubo na ito. Sa tuwing isusubo ko na ang kutsara ay saka ako mauubo nang napakasakit sa lalamunan. Tila ayaw akong pakainin ni palakasin nitong sakit na dulot mo.
Bukod sa hindi maayos na pagkain, panay takip sa bibig na lang ang aking ginawa. Ayoko naman kasing mahawaan ko pa ang iba. Ayokong maramdaman pa nila ang paghihirap, sakit at pighati na idinulot mo sa akin.
At habang naglalakad ako pauwi, tikom na lamang ang aking bibig. Nagulat ako at hindi na yata ako inuubo. Akala ko lang pala iyon. Sisigaw na sana ako sa tuwa. Nang subukan kong magsalita, walang boses na lumabas sa aking bibig. Ibang klase pala ang sakit na ibinigay mo sa akin. Binugbog ng ubo ang lalamunan ko hanggang sa wala nang salita ang makaalpas sa bibig ko. Ubo lang ito ngunit nagawa nitong paralisahin ang aking pagsasalita. Ganyan ka talaga manakit. Sanay ka talagang saktan ako hanggang sa hindi na ako makahiyaw ng aray sa sobrang sakit.
Tapos na ang klase. Pauwi na ako.
Tapos na ang klase. Pauwi na ako. Wala ka namang pakialam dahil hindi mo na naman itinatanong.. Malamig pala sa labas. Buti na lang at dala ko ang damit-panlamig na bigay mo. Sa dinami-rami ng damit ay iyong bigay mo pa talaga ang dinala ko. Kahit sana sa sweater na ito ay maramdaman ko pa rin ang init ng yakap mo.
Mula Dapitan hanggang Espanya na naman ang lalakarin ko . Ngayon ko lang nalaman na mahaba pala ang kalsadang ito. Dati kasi, abala ako sa pagtingin sa aking cellphone, sa pagkausap sa iyo. Kailangan palaging alam mo kung nasaan ako. Ngunit iba na ang ihip ng hangin, wala ka nang pakialam kung nasaan ako.
Sumakay ako sa FX. Okay din pala kapag mag-isa ka lang. Madali mong maisisiksik ang sarili mo sa mga pampublikong sasakyan. Mas madali kang makapupunta sa iyong patutunguhan kapag mag-isa ka lang. Iyon nga lang, wala akong kasama o kakwentuhan man lang habang nasa traffic.
Buti pa sa FX nagawa kong ipagsiksikan ang sarili ko. Ito ang bagay na hindi ko magawa sa iyo – ang ipagsiksikan ang sarili ko sa buhay mo. Masyado kasi akong mapride. Sabi ko kasi sa sarili ko, kung mahal mo talaga ako, hindi ko na kailangang gawin iyon. Kaya ito ako ngayon mag-isa. Nagbabayad sa katangahang ginawa ko. Nagbabayad. Oo nga pala, panahon na para magbayad ako sa FX.
Iniabot ko ang bayad ko at sinabi kung saan ako bababa. Mas mabuti siguro kung alam mo talaga kung hanggang saan ka lang eh. Sa ganitong paraan, mapaghahandaan ko ang paglisan. Pero hindi ganoon ang nangyari sa atin. Masyadong mabilis ang pangyayari. Hindi ko naihanda ang sarili ko sa paglisan mo.
Jeep ang susunod kong dapat sakyan. Dalawa ang pagpipilian. Magkaibang ruta pero madadaanan pa rin naman ang aking pupuntahan. Kahit ano ang piliin ko, makakauwi ako. Pero ngayon, mas gugustuhin ko na piliin ang isa kaysa sa isa. Gusto ko kasing umiwas sa dinadaanan natin dati.
Sadyang mapang-asar ang tadhana dahil puno na lahat ng jeep na gusto kong sakyan. Palagi na lang ba na ganito? Wala na ba talagang espasyo sa lahat ng gusto ko. Palagi na lang akong nauunahan. Wala akong nagawa kundi sakyan ang jeep na dati nating sinasakyan.
Mabilis naman ang takbo ng jeep, kasingbilis ng ating relasyon. Ngunit bigla na lang natraffic ang jeep. Huminto pa ito sa sa lugar kung saan mo ako dating sinusundo. Hindi ko mapigilang lumingon at tingnan kung saan ka dati palaging nakatayo, kung saan matiyaga mo akong hinihintay. Pero, wala ka.
Pang-ilang beses na akong lumingon at nabigo. Siguro huling paglingon ko na iyon. Sana huli na ang paglingon ko na iyon. Napakatanga ko para umasa na nandoon ka samantalang ako ang may dahilan kung bakit wala ka na doon, kung bakit wala ka na sa akin.
Bumaba na ako at naglakad. Kasalanan ko kung bakit naglalakad na ako ngayon na mag-isa. Kasalanan ko ang lahat at wala na akong ibang magawa kundi umuwi na lang. Hindi lang pala klase ang tapos na, pati din pala tayo, nagwakas na. Tapos na ang lahat. Pauwi na ako sa bahay namin at hindi na sa pag-ibig mo.
The Art in Breaking Hearts
In a world full of wrong, how could we know what’s alright? Besides searching for the light to guide us, why don’t we light ourselves up?
Where is the good in “goodbye”? This question we might have asked ourselves countless times. Why do things have to end anyway? This is because we can never stay at the same place forever. At some point, some unbalanced force will make us leave that place. We will need to leave that place and go to another one for a new beginning, new faces, new relationships, new experiences and new life lessons. Say goodbye, move on and bring the lessons learned so you could use it for the next door to open.
Where is the nice in “nice try”? Well, always keep in mind that trying is better than doing nothing about it. Efforts may not be verbally appreciated but there is someone from up above who can see all the efforts you have exerted. It’s nice because you surely learned something new. It’s nice because you were courageous despite of the fear of failure.
Where has the us in “trust” gone? Trusting someone is a two-way relationship meaning once you give it, the other party should maintain it. But, nobody is perfect. We are prone to mistakes and unjust decisions that sometimes we end up disappointing a lot of people. We end up losing the trust they gave us. Yet, it is up to you if you still want to keep that us and bring back the trust. Maybe its temporary disappointment calls you to be more sensitive and careful of your decisions.
But if you still can’t take the ache in heartbreak, all you have to do is pray. He’ll take your worries away.
Our hearts get broken for unexplainable reasons but let us not give this heartbreak a reason to crush our hearts fully. Somehow, we will just have to find our way back to control again and arrange these broken pieces into a mosaic masterpiece.
(This article is inspired by The Script’s No Good in Goodbye)
Ellipsis
Our story ended with a period over a year ago. Then, another period was added when I saw you a few months after you broke my innocent heart. That time, it seemed like witty fate was slapping me that what’s done is done already and so are we. However, another period was added in our story when you said sorry. Three periods make an ellipsis and an ellipsis means that there is something to be continued.
Questions started filling my mind, my mind which was already close to forgetting about you. What should I say to you? What should I do? What does he want from me? Are we friends again? Why am I asking these questions? Can my questions even be answered?
My phone almost hit the melting point as I stared at your message. This was the day that I was waiting for so that my heart can be truly free from the heartache brought by you. The next thing I know, tables turned and I never got the freedom that I was wishing for. Instead, having whatever relationship we had reconsidered only brought back the pain that demanded to be felt once again. So, here I am hopelessly caged in the truth that you are still the one that I love – the only man that I’ll ever love.
Second thoughts. Third thoughts. Oh, how you occupy all of my thoughts. Next to melt was the ceiling. I lay by my bed on a cold summer night gazing at it. It was only when the clock struck 2 when I managed to give your essay-long message a two-word reply – apology accepted. With those two words, I knew deep in by fast-beating and pain-bleeding heart that I gave you another chance to penetrate my life for the second time.
That third period in our story hinted the fact that I’m still not over you and deep inside me I am hoping that you aren’t over me, too. I’m still missing you, your messages, your hugs, your comfort and most of all, your love. Is it wrong for me to expect this much when it is still clear to me how you left me without any explanation? Is it wrong for me to hold on to the sincerity that I saw in your eyes the day before you left me?
Now here I am, scared to death, scared that I might lose you again, scared that a fourth period might totally terminate our story. Right now, all I am asking from you is the assurance that this time, everything about us, whether a relationship or just a friendship will be made between us, will be real and true.
A period ended our story over a year ago. Then, another period was added when I saw you a few months after you broke my innocent heart. Three periods make an ellipsis and an ellipsis means that there is something to be continued.